the life of brian

is an excellent screenplay by Monty Python (isbn 0-413-74130-3). As usual I'm going to quote from a few pages:

Why aren't women allowed to go to stonings, Mum?
Because it's written, that's why.

Jaguar's ear lobes. Wolf nipple chips. Gem 'em while they're hot. They're lovely. Dromedary pretzels, only half a dinar. Tuscany fried bat.

The People's Front of Judea fucking gets things done!

What's this then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'?
It says 'Romans go home'.
No it doesn't. What's the Latin for Romans? Come on … come on

And what have they ever given us in return?
The aqueduct?

Oh … I'll give you nineteen then.
No, no. Do it properly.
Haggle properly. This isn't worth nineteen.
But you just said it was worth twenty.

No, no, no. You go to fourteen now.
Fourteen, are you joking?

Siblings!! Let us not be disheartened. One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning!

What is the secret?
Leave me alone.
Yes! Tell us the secret!
What is the secret?
is is the secret of Eternal Life?

Look … you've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody. You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals.
Yes, we're all individuals.
You're all different.
Yes, we are all different.

Always look on the bright side of life.