smell-driven development

After much research by our scientists I can finally report a major advance in software methodology - smell driven development.

Our scientists have perfected a set of software metrics which accurately monitor the health of your software. These metrics are gathered in real time by our patented custom SmellWare servers. Each SmellWare server (prices to be announced shortly) is connected via USB to three glass vials and a sophisticated spray-atomizer.

• When the metrics read by the SmellWare server indicate your software is in a poor state, the atomizer will spray scent from the first glass vial.
• When the metrics indicate a further deterioration, the atomizer will spray scent from the second glass vial.
• When the metrics indicate a really disgusting codebase, the atomizer will spray scent from the third glass vial.

By choosing smells with an increasing tendency to get on the developers' olfactory nerves you can "visualize" the state of your codebase in a way that cannot be ignored!

The genius of this approach is that smell, being the oldest sense, has had the longest to evolve. The olfactory sense is, at the same time, both the most primitive sense and the most sophisticated. Even in humans about 1 in 50 genes is devoted to smell-related protein receptors!

Our odour scientists have studied the four aspects of threshold and tolerance; odour concentration, odour intensity, odour quality, and hedonic tone, and after extensive field testing the first (cheese based) vials are ready.

• Vial 1 (Yellow) is based on Pong-Leveque (Normandy) and is ranked "distinct, strong, and unpleasant" on the Odour Awareness scale.
• Vial 2 (Amber) is based on Epoisses de Pieds (Southern Italy) and is ranked "very strong, liable to cause rashes and sore eyes". (Epoisses de Pieds is banned from public transport in Italy).
• Vial 3 (Red) is based on Peixe-Podre et Meia (Northern Portugal) and is ranked "intolerable, liable to cause vomiting, diahorrea, and heart attacks". (Peixe-Podre et Meia is based on Blue-vein Smegma which had a 97% mortality rate before the EU made its manufacture a federal offense punishable by 25 years imprisonment.)

Believe us when we tell you that once your developers have experienced Peixe-Podre et Meia (Red) they will never again sit idly by while your codebase is merely in Epoisses de Pieds (Amber) state!